Penpals
by NympheaLotus
Summary: After Sirius's death, Harry wants to die. He writes to the best person he knows for the job, Lord Voldemort. Follows a correspondence between the two of them. Dark and angry!Harry, OOC!Voldemort. First story ever.
1. It begins

A/N: I don't own Harry Potter's world, I just play with it for my own free amusement.

Lord Voldemort,

Could you please come and kill me.

As the only bad guy with my blood, you are the only one who can go through the wards. If you swear to not torture me I will send you my address.

Sincerely yours.

Harry James Potter.

P.S. Don't kill Hedwig. She's the only owl who can find me.

I nearly forgot. Every locator charms will be disabled by the wards.

-0-

Mr Potter,

I was clearly surprised by your missive, ans by the fact that your owl found me. She's very clever.

On an other topic, you didn't think that I would come running at your proposal. It could be a trap. But, if it's a genuine request I gladly want to negotiate the details with you.

In this letter, you will find inclose a blank parchment. We can communicate through it. You write on your parchment and it will appear instantly on mine. As so, no owls will be sent, nor tracking spells nor locator charms would be cast unnecessarily.

Sincerely yours,

Lord Voldemort.

P.S. I won't swear to you that the parchment is harmless. But if you want to die, it won't be a problem, will it. Nevertheless I can swear that if you use the parchment, it will be totally painless.

-0-

Lord Voldemort,

I'm a little disappointed. I wanted it to be finished soon.

I understand your fear of a trap. But I assure you that it isn't one. I really want to die. How do I prove myself to you?

Sincerely yours,

Harry James Potter.

-0-

Dear Mr Potter,

You just did prove yourself. Indeed only one of my blood can write or read this parchment and only the truth can be written on it.

May I inquire about your death wish? I'm quite intrigued because from someone so young as you it could be qualified of unusual.

Sincerely yours,

Lord Voldemort.

P.S. I fear nothing, I'm just very cautious. (SSSssss Ssssss. Translation: Stupid Parchment)

-0-

Dear Lord Voldemort,

Of course you are very cautious. I wouldn't presume anything else. Oups.

I didn't know that parseltongue could be written. How interesting. It's a shame that I don't have a library to research.

That is one of the few thing that I want to die for. Don't think that I'm shallow enough to die for a library. No. But it's one of the reason.

The main reason is the deaths, and particularly Sirius' death.

I suppose you know that he was my godfather. I loved him so much!

Furthermore, he was my only ticket out of my personal hellhole.

Sincerely yours,

Harry Potter

-0-

Insolent Brat,

I assure you that wanting to die for a library is indeed quite shallow of you.

The point where you lose me is the death of your godfather. I understand that you loved but but for the rest what are you talking about? What personal hellhole? You are rumored to be a pampered little prince. Are the rumors wrong?

Sincerely yours,

Lord Voldemort.

P.S. The parseltongue is the language of snake. It shouldn't have a written form. Nevertheless, Salazar Slytherin created the form to code all is writings. Only his descendants with the ability could read it. It's quite useful.

-0-

Dear Lord Voldy (it's for the Insolent brat),

Thanks for the information on parseltongue. Nobody want to talk to me about it. It's quite frustrating.

I have just received an owl of Dumbledore is asking me to whom I have written, as no friends of mine has received a letter from me. The manipulative old coot. I HATE him!

Here is his letter.

Beginning of Dumbledore's letter:

My dear boy,

I'm wondering to whom you have written as Hermione and Ron didn't receive a letter from you. It was very careless of you to send Hedwig. She is a very recognizable owl and you have put your pen-pal in danger.

Please tell me to whom you have sent your letter so I can protect them.

Sincerely yours,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

End of Dumbledore's letter.

I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HAAAAATTTTTTTTEEEE HHHHHHHIIIIIMMMMMM!

-0-

Insolent Brat (No-one call me Lord Voldy. How dare you?),

As I understand your hate for the old goat, I don't understand the suddenness of it. What did happen to unleash such hatred? And why didn't yous respond to the questions of the last time?

As I'm sure you don't want to tell the goat that you wrote me, I suggest a diversion. Write a letter to Gringott and ask an account of all the withdrawals of your vault. At the reading of the goat's letter, I think you will have a few surprises. Furthermore, I'm sure your owl can loose all her pursuers.

With the first letter for Gringott, you will make your owl deliver a second letter to the old coot stating your askance for an account.

On the topic of the danger, the bank can defend itself against my supposed attacks.

I want to read the response of the coot. It will be entertaining.

Sincerely yours,

Lord Voldemort.

-0-

Dear Voldy,

I'm so happy to entertain you.

I've just sent Hedwig with the two letters. She knows what she has to do.

Why do you think that I will have surprises with my account?

And for your other questions it quite simple. My relatives hate everything to do with magic, including me. I'm their personal house-elf. My first room, for the first ten years of my life with them was the cupboard under the stairs. So much for the pampered prince. And, why nobody came to check on me?

I don't know why the headmaster sent me here in the first place. Supposedly the wards are made from the love of my family. But they hate me. Furthermore, I've read all I could on wards in Hogwart's library, and I found nothing on this supposed love wards. Even in the restricted section.

And why hadn't Dumbledore asked for a fair trial for my godfather. Truth spells and veritaserum were already existing 15 years ago.

Moreover Dumbledore asked my traitorous friends to spy on me since the first day. I heard them talk about it. How could they do that to me?

Why did Dumbledore ask Snape to teach me occlumency knowing that we hate each other? It caused my godfather's death.

They robbed my childhood, they robbed the only family I could have had, they robbed my friendship. Everything was false. It hurts so much, and I hate them all for what they did to me.

I don't want to fight or die for them. If I have to die, it would be because I chose it and not because I was forced to fight a war I don't believe in, and not because of a stupid prophecy. And if they are the light side, better be dead than fight for them.

That's why I asked you to come and kill me. I don't want to see them again. I hope you will come soon.

Sincerely yours.

Harry Potter.


	2. Anger and first step

A/N I don't own anything of Harry Potter's world. I just play with it for my personal satisfaction.

Chapter 2

Dear Insolent Brat,

You have to believe me when I say that you are in need of a therapy. Do you think that you are the only one with problems down here?

Well, as you are doing me a favor, please don't change your state of mind. I'm quite happy to help you die.

But, if you want some pointers to help you to kill your relatives or your former "friends" (you know... as a petty revenge), I can offer you free advice. You know me, I'm always up for a bloodshed. (Insert here an evil cackle!)

On another topic, I read that you know the prophecy. That's Very interesting. I can only suppose that the old fool told you about it.

May I inquire about the content? It will be useless to keep it a secret because with your death it will be or fulfilled or null and void.

Sincerely yours,

Lord **Voldemort**

-0-

Hey **Voldy**,

I think we can drop all the niceties, because at the rate we are writing it's becoming tiresome.

Well you know, if I need a therapy what about you and your death munchers? You really need anger management seminaries if what I saw in the visions you sent me is true.

And don't think that I'm stupid. I'm not as thick as everybody seems to think I am. For the moment I will not give you the prophecy. And I don't even know if what Dumbledore told me is the truth.

Oh, and I don't want to kill anybody. I just want to die. Talking of dieing, what does your parchment do? Since I got it, I didn't see any change.

Wait, I've got an owl at my window.

THEY ARE SO DEAD! THOSE SLIMY COCKROACHES ARE GOING TO BE CRUSHED UNDER MY FOOT!

-0-

You little impudent,

How dare you to give ME (and my followers) stupid names? And for your knowledge, niceties as you call them are the base of polite societies, you ignorant monkey!

Furthermore, you try to lecture me about anger management seminaries and look at you. A simple letter and you loose your temper. (No wonders, Snape or Malfoy junior got to you so easily, silly Gryffindor.)

You told me that you didn't want to kill, didn't you? And now you want to kill every single life on earth! Do you want some help? (Insert here: Evil cackle, the 2nd)

So what put your knickers in a twist (as young plebeian as yourself would say)?

I nearly forgot, the parchment steals your life as you write in it. When I write you I assimilate your life into mine. At the moment the only symptom you are feeling is little bout of tiredness. Thanks to you I'm becoming healthier. (Inset here: Evil cackle, the 3rd)

-0-

Voldy,

Even if I still want to die, I realized that I don't want to die right now. Don't hold your breath, I'm not changing my mind. I just want to have the time for my revenge.

You know, you told me that I was going to have surprises with the account. Well for the first time in history you were quite right. Dumbledore, the old f***g goat had made withdrawals from my vaults. I didn't even know that I possessed vaults, as in plural! He took my money and he even made deposits in other vaults. And guess to whom are the vaults: Dumbledore, Dursley, Weasley, Pettigrew, Fudge... and the list go on. There is even a vault for the f***g order of the charred chicken! They are SO going to repay me!

I will tell you a secret (and no, it's not the prophecy, you moron) the sorting hat wanted me in Slytherin. I chose to go to Gryffindor. What a mistake it was.

Well, now I'm going to use my Slytherin side. I don't want them dead. Oh no! They will just loose everything important to them. The money, the fame and the trust of the wizarding world! And I will be laughing at them during all the process! (that is, if you let me live long enough!)

Well I have just a little problem. I don't how to proceed. Do you have any suggestions?

Wait there is another owl coming and it's not Hedwig.

Well, I've received another Gringott's letter that state that since I'm interested in my finance and that I'm becoming sixteen in a few days, they will send me my accounts instead to send them to my magical guardian.

What the heck is a magical guardian?

Furthermore, there is a reading for Sirius' will and as one of the beneficiaries, they joined a portkey which is going to activate in 3 days at 9 o'clock.

That's so much to cope with, you know.

-0-

You brainless sheep (even if you were nearly sorted into Slytherin),

A magical guardian is an adult who represents a magical kid with no family in the wizarding world for all the magical topics. They are involved with your education, your vaults, you relations with the ministry, and so on.

You should read more.

I find your idea of revenge quite tame but it has some merit.

Here we go with the advice. I will try to keep it simple for you:

1- Find who your magical guardian is. (I bet for the goat)

2- Apply to be emancipated.

3- For the two points above, go to Gringott 1 hour before the reading. Ask for your vaults manager. Revoke him in front of other goblins, and appoint a goblin, with no power, in charge (he will be grateful and he will protect your personal interests) . Then, file your case of emancipation and then attend the reading.

3- Buy some books and read about the culture and customs of the wizarding world. (Your mudblood knows more about it than you do!). Knowledge is power.

That's the first step of your revenge.

Do you still follow me?

To be emancipated, you have to prove that your guardians (muggles and magical) are unfit to raise you. For that you will have to take veritaserum and to submit memories. Then you will have to fill paperwork.

Once emancipated, you will go to the second stage of your revenge.

I'm wondering, why the goat didn't reply to your letter. That's strange.

Voldy... I mean **Lord Voldemort**!

-0-

Potter are you there?

Where are you?

Why aren't you answering me?

-0-

Potter answer me right now!

If you think you can escape from our little arrangement you are wrong. (Insert here: Angry growl)

If you don't answer me in the next hour, I will kill one person every half an hour until you do.

-0-

Hold your horses, I'm here.

Sorry about the delay but the old f***g goat stroke again!

The f***g blip blip blip f**g goat kept Hedwig! He sent me an Hogwart's owl. As I picked the letter the owl flew away.

Bumblewhore wrote me that for my own safety and the safety of others he would prevent Hedwig for coming back for the rest of the summer. (The charms that needed to be cast on the owl delayed the answer).

Furthermore, he was informed by Gringott that they sent me letters and a portkey. As it's too dangerous for me to be surrounded by people, he canceled all my appointments with the bank. And I'm to be grounded to my aunt and uncle's house! There will be guards outside to prevent my "escape"!

I was so ANGRY that the letter caught fire! I needed time to cool down a little bit.

How will I attend the reading of Sirius' will, if I haven't any mean of transport? My portkey just disintegrated, the house isn't on the floo network and I can't apparate. I'm STUCK here and I HATE IT!

Do you have any idea?

Oh, by the way, I didn't know you cared about me. (Insert here: a little smirk)


	3. The emissary

A/N I don't own anything of Harry Potter's world. I just play with it for my personal satisfaction.

Chapter 3

**Insolent Brat**,

I don't care about **you**! I care about my **supply** of life energy. You being that supply is a little detail.

This said, I think I've a solution for your little problem. I will send you an emissary to teach you how to apparate. You told me about the wards and the no-marked people inside rule. I've the right person to bypass them. Furthermore, they will be able to incapacitate, temporarily or not, your guards. (Insert here: Evil grin)

But first of all I need your address.

-0-

Hey Moldy,

Are you really insane or what? Scratch that, you are insane!

But, do you think that I'm THAT stupid? I'm not going to give you my address like that.

I have a few conditions. First of all, no killing, from your hand or anybody following your orders or following even a mere suggestion on your part. That's go for me or anybody related to me in any fashion.

I want to live old enough to see my revenge succeed. Furthermore, I want all of **THEM** to be alive and kicking when it occurs. With their full capacities, it would be more delightful. (Insert here: evil cackle... oops, I mean rightful teenage anger).

In second and third places, no maiming and no torture, for the same reasons as above.

Finally, I want your wizard oath that your emissary will do no harm. And I want an oath from Lord Voldemort **and** from Tom Marvolo Riddle. No loophole. (Insert here: little smirk)

-0-

Have you already forgotten pea-brain, that at the moment I'm draining you? I don't intend to kill you as I'm using you to regain my health. And stop insulting ME!

Moreover, your revenge is more entertaining than my boring followers.

That's very clever of you to ask two oaths. Few wizards know the subtleties of oath for different personalities in a same person.

If I swear an oath as Lord Voldemort and not as Riddle, with focus on my Riddle persona I could bend the oath and hurt you.

Indeed, that was very clever of you to ask... Just for pure knowledge, where did you find the information?

Ok! Here we go for the oath:

I Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Lord Voldemort swear on my magic to not bring harm directly or indirectly and knowingly to one Harry James Potter before telling him directly. This oath run from now on, but for only two months.

Here! Are you happy?

Oh, by the way, I'm going to drain you with that little parchment in which you write on. As you see I'm following the wording of the oath. (Insert here: Evil smirk)

And before you ask stupid questions, two months is for the summer vacations. You can't expect that I keep this oath all my life. (Insert here: evil laugh)

-0-

Yes I'm happy.

For your information, I learned the tidbit of knowledge when I was researching Fidelius chams and secret keepers in third year. I found a book on the the different types of protection. There was a section on wizard oaths.

So here it goes: 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey.

-0-

**VOLDEMORT, ARE YOU INSANE?** (Yes, I already know the answer!)

**YOU SENT ME NAGINI, FOR MERLIN SAKE!**

I nearly died from a heart attack. And how could she travel unnoticed? She's a big big BIG snake! And how she found me?

Oh by the way, she's a great teacher (far better than Snape). I know how to apparate.

I didn't know she had a sharp sense of humor. She's so funny!

If everything fails send her to me, I would like to test a few of her suggestions on my family. (Insert here: large grin)

Say "hi" to her, for me.

-0-

**WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SNAKE? **

**SHE'S MY FAMILIAR, NOT YOURS!**

She can't stop talking about you. How funny your are, how intelligent, how good pupil... and she goes like this for HOURS!

Did you think I kept her just to scare everybody around me? Well she does that too, and so well!

You should see everybody recoil when she slither in a meeting cracking a jock. Sometimes it's very hard not to laugh.

Why I'm telling you this? (Insert here: incredulous look)

And for all your questions: I'm a dark lord. No.

I'm THE Dark Lord! I can do things that you can't even imagine in your wildest dreams!

With the coordinates you gave me, I just made a portkey with a few charms of protection, and a desillusion charm for every eyes except people talking in parseltongue. It was sooo simple and elementary! Nobody sew her as she slithered in the neighborhood. (Insert here: Evil cackle)

So as Nagini keep bragging (stop that right now, Nagini) on how you could apparate right from one end of your garden to the other, I presume you are able to transport yourself to Gringott for the reading.

Nagini says "hi" to you. (Insert here: Big sigh) Now stop pouting stupid snake!

-0-

Hey Nagini,

Yes I'm ready to go to Gringott, thanks to my teacher.

I'm going to begin to kick a few asses.

Hmmm, dear (Megalomaniac) Voldy, you told me that I'm quite inept in wizarding traditions. Well, I was wondering if in your megalomaniac Dark Lordship you would lend me Nagini to help me. You know, just to assure that the first step of the revenge go without an itch.

Oh and I already have a familiar. It's my owl. I miss Hedwig so much.

-0-

You are talking to me first and to my snake in second! Better, you don't talk to my snake! I'm Lord Voldemort! You talk to **ME**!

I will lend you my familiar. I will send her like the last time. (No, I'm not bipolar!)

I don't do this for you. I do this because you could botch a plan as simple as your pathetic revenge. Furthermore, I will get rid of Nagini and her incessant chat about you. She's driving me crazy!

And I don't want my followers to know about my little hobby with you. So I can't send them to you.

OK. Once Nagini is with you, tap the portkey with your wand. It will shrink her and glamour her as a necklace. From that point, you are all alone.

Be aware that I want a report of all your actions and all the consequences. I want to know the reactions of the Light side.

And if you hint that I care about you, I will torture you so badly at the end of the two months, that you will wish to not have been born!

(Insert here: Evil growl) Nagini says "hello".

A.N.: Next chapter is about Gringott.

I would like to thanks all my reviewers.

As you can see this story will be Dumbledore bashing. If you want to preserve a character from the bashing let me know.


	4. Gringott: the money

A/N I don't own anything of Harry Potter's world. I just play with it for my personal satisfaction.

Chapter 4

Hello Voldy.

First of all I'm fine. And, thank you for sending me Nagini. She was very helpful. I will send her back first thing tomorrow. By the way, she says "hi" to you.

I know you would die (oops wrong choice of word) you would kill somebody to know what happened (I've a few names for you, if you need).

* * *

Well I apparated at the bank as you told me, with Nagini. She made a nice necklace. (Stop preening yourself Nagini)

I went one hour before the time of the reading.

I asked for my manager. He was quite surprised to see me. I took an infinite pleasure in seeing his face when I revoked him in front of others goblins for ill-management. He was sputtering everywhere when he was taken away by his peers.

Nagini wants me to I send you my memories. Why not?

Well, after this I asked a goblin of my knowing to be my manager. Then we went to an office. I won't describe it, I don't want to make you sleep.

* * *

Stop it, Nagini! I don't care if he needs some sleep. This description is so boring that I will fall asleep simply by writing it.

* * *

So, in the office, Griphook gave me a statement of my vaults. He told me that the withdrawals were made by my magical guardian Albus Dumbledore, and so I couldn't retrieve the stolen money.

I nearly blew up the office. Thanks to Nagini I calmed down. She suggested a book for me to ask for, from the goblin.

As I did, he looked at me quite surprised. Then he watched Nagini and said (here I quote) "I'm astonished you knew quite enough about wizarding traditions to ask this book of rituals precisely. You have a wise adviser, Lord Potter".

* * *

Can you believe it? I'm a Lord, with capital L. I didn't know that I was from the "Ancient and Noble House of Potter" Lord of the House! I hold a Winzengamot seat. Well, it's Dumbledore who holds the position. F***g old goat!

I know Nagini. I'm breathing. In, out. Ok I'm calm enough.

* * *

Well. Griphook asked me to follow him. He led me to a library.

* * *

Did you even know they had a giant library in Gringott? Yes Nagini, I stop digressing. Stop nagging.

* * *

The goblin gave me a book, indicating that, the ritual I needed was on page 458. I took the book "Ancients traditions and What every pureblood need to know" and looked at the page. It was about retrieving goods wrongly taken from vaults. It was considered a dark ritual but I knew Gringott has wards to impede the Ministry to monitor what occurs inside.

Before you ask, the ritual invokes the memory of the vault to retrieve the goods stolen. As all vaults in a family are linked together, I only needed to go to one vault for the ritual to work on every vaults I own.

So I took the book, ask the for a ritual dagger and went with Griphook to the only vault I knew. There I slash a cut inside my hand. As blood pooled inside I chanted the ritual.

Nagini coached me before. Did I ever tell you she's an incredible teacher?

Making complicated things simple, the vault walls glowed blue and my things began to come back.

Well there was more than my things. It seems that the money that wasn't spent came back. But if the money had been spent, the purchases done with my money went in as well. Even if I don't have any sense of fashion I wouldn't buy a pink dress!

* * *

Nagini, stop laughing!

* * *

It seems that only the money spent in food didn't go back. I even have the deed of property of the Burrow! (Insert here: Maniacal grin)

I think a few people have been without clothes just before the reading. (Insert here: hysterical laugh)

After that, I went back to the office with Griphook. I asked him a knew statement of my vaults and while he was doing that, I waited for the reading of Sirius' will leafing through the book.

That book is a mine of knowledge!

* * *

Well, I will leave it here because Nagini and I are going to eat something.

Bye.

-0-

You suborner of snakes! What did you do to my sweet Nagini? Since I received her this morning she's pouting. I can't believe MY snake is POUTING! You are so DEAD!

Yes Nagini, I'm threatening him. No I'm not going to kill him right now so stop nagging. I'm just going to wait two months. Yes Nagini I'm breathing. In, out. Ok I'm calm.

Well, you did well with your money. As I thought the old coot is your magical guardian. Did you fill the papers to be emancipated? You didn't forget, right?

Nagini says "hello sweet snakeling". Argh, I'm going to be sick with all the mushiness!

-0-

Hi Voldy, Hi Nagini. I miss you.

I'm talking to Nagini, you old pervert!

* * *

For your information, I was so overwhelmed by the things that I've seen in my vault, that I nearly forgot. Thanks Merlin for Nagini being there. She remembered and she told me to ask.

So I asked Griphook, how I would have to proceed to be emancipated. He told me, about the files to fill and the memories to record as evidences. He told me that if my case was consistent it would go fast.

I filled the papers with Nagini's help and I recorded the memories. Once that done, everything disappeared to the Ministry.

Just as I went to the reading, an owl brought me the answer of the Ministry.

I'm glad, happy and honored to tell you that I'm emancipated. I'm the proud Lord of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter, owner of a Wizengamot seat. Take that old goat! (Insert here: Evil grin)

-0-

You've got a MOSQUITO BRAIN.

How could you nearly forget your emancipation? Even a goldfish has more memory than you. It's a wonder you had enough to prove mistreatment!

No Nagini, I'm not insulting him, I'm stating the truth. And NO, I'm NOT caring about him. Stop the pouting immediately. I'm not changing my mind!

She's giving me a headache! It's ALL your fault, you empty headed of a Gryffindor,! (Insert here: annoyed growl)

* * *

So, what happened during the reading?

* * *

Yes Nagini I'm writing. She says: "Hello Snakeling. I miss you too. I hope..."

That's enough! I'm not your owlpost!

Ok, Ok! Stop threatening me! She says "Hello Snakeling. I miss you too. I hope I will see you soon in good health. I hope too that we could spend some quality time together as we already did."

I'm going to puke. I don't want to know what you did together. That's so sick.

Wait Nagini, stop threat... What? WHAT?

**WHY, IN F***G MERLIN'S NAME, IS MY SNAKE CALLING HERSELF YOUR ADOPTIVE MOTHER?**


	5. The reading first part

A/N 1: I don't own anything of Harry Potter's world. I just play with it for my personal satisfaction.

A/N 2: I'm sorry for the delay. I had difficulties to write this chapter. I would like to thanks all the reviewers and all the readers.

Chapter 5

{bla bla bla} = Voldemort inputs

[bla bla bla] = Harry inputs

Moldy,

I knew you were insane but to that point! I thought you were an old pervert, you know, getting fixated on a young and handsome man (me if you are wondering). But you thinking of me and Nagini in a sexual manner is worse than sick. I'm scarred for life because of you! Yuck!

I'm so upset, that I won't answer your last question.

Say, hi to mommy. (Insert here: sneering)

-0-

Hey Moldy,

Where are you? Why aren't you threatening me? Don't you want to know what happened during the reading?

-0-

VOLDY,

WHERE ARE YOU?

-0-

STOP WRITING IN CAPITALS, YOU ARE BLINDING ME!

I'm sorry for upsetting you. I won't do it again.

See Nagini I apologized. So now, STOP THREATENING ME!

This snake is mental. Furthermore, she has a mean temper! She hunted me through all the manor for upsetting you (Stupid Nagini!).

Now that you are in a better mood, are you going to answer my question about Nagini and you? And what happened during the reading? Last question and not the least, where are you right now? Nagini didn't want to tell me.

-0-

Voldy,

For your last question is simple. I'm in house under the Fidelius Charm. I'm not in my relatives tender care anymore.

Then, for your question about Nagini and me, it's quite simple. There are 3 points:

Firstly, if you forgot, I'm an orphan. You killed my parents, so I haven't got a mum.

Secondly, Nagini has maternal instincts highly developed.

And thirdly, I'm an animagus and my animal form is a venomous snake.

With the three combined, you get Nagini mothering her young snakeling. It seems my magic smells of snake... like yours.

So, if I'm a snake animagus, so are you. What kind of snake are you transforming in? If you want to know, I'm a Notechis Scutatus, or more commonly known as an Eastern Tiger Snake. A highly venomous snake. (Insert here: sigh)

The reading was quite enjoyable.

Once emancipated, I went to the room where the reading was happening. You know the thickness of the doors in Gringott, well I heard shouts through the room's door. I waited for them to stop and then I went in.

They were all surprised to see me. A few were happy to see me but the majority where shocked, and Dumbledore was EXTREMALLY shocked.

And the fun began.

I'm adding the written version of my memory. You can thank mother for that. (Insert here: evil grin). You can interrupt every time you want.

On one side of the room, protected by magical shields, the Malfoy family (Lucius, Narcissa and Draco) as snobbish as usual and Bellatrix Lestrange, magically restrained and gagged.

On the other side of the room were, Dumbledore, the Weasley Family (Arthur, Molly, Fred and George, Ron and Ginny), Hermione, Hagrid, Remus, Nymphadora and Andromeda Tonks.

Dumbledore, Arthur, Molly, Ron, Ginny and Hermione were wearing some uncomfortable clothes made in hessian.

As Dumbledore managed to pick is jaw from the floor, he approached me, anger and hatred in his eyes. As he went to grab my arm, a shield appeared from nowhere to protect me from the rest of the room.

People were looking between the shield, Dumbledore and me. A shield appears in Gringott only in the presence of strong negative emotions.

{Brat:1; Old Goat:0}

[What are you doing?]

{I'm counting the points.}

"As everyone is here we can start", said the goblin.

"I object the presence of Mister Potter here", Dumbledore spat through clenched teeth.

"Sit down Lord Potter"said the goblin, ignoring completely the headmaster. "We were waiting for you to begin."

"As usual Potter, you think that everybody must wait your every whim. So pathetic!", Malfoy junior said.

"I REFUSE THE PRESENCE OF MISTER POTTER AT THIS READING", spat Dumbledore with anger, jumping on his feet.

{So typical of him}

The goblin turned slowly in direction of Dumbledore. "First of all, it's Lord Potter for you. Secondly, your rights as magical guardian have been revoked. And finally. SIT. DOWN. Before I ask for your eviction of the bank."

Dumbledore sat down with staring wide-eyes and a hanging mouth. It was so funny to watch.

{Insert here: snigger. Brat: 2; Old Goat:0}

"As I was saying before I was interrupted", said the goblin, "we are all reunited here for the reading of Lord Sirius Black."

At those words, an hologram of my godfather appeared. And said:

"If you are hearing this, it's because I'm dead and because Dumbledore imperiused me to modify my will."

At this everyone gasped: "WHAT?". {WHAT?}

Sorry for you old goat, even if I was a black sheep in my family, I knew a few dark spells to prevent your manipulations. Well here we go with the presents."

{Brat's team: 3 ; Old Goat's team: 0}

"For Bella, you old crazy bitch, 1 knut for your effort in the war and for whoring you to Dumbledore. You thought I didn't know?"

Everyone gasps at this. Dumbledore and Bella were bewildered by that announcement.

{THAT BITCH! I'm going to kill her once I put my hand on her. By the way Nagini, where is she?}

[Wait and see! Potter's team: 4; Old Goat's team: 0]

"Lucius, I give you all the proofs necessary to incriminate Bella. Well, first, I'll give you one and after the goblin made sure that you tortured her thoroughly, you will receive the others."

{I want the proofs! And if Lucius tortures her, what I'm going to do to take my revenge?

I WANT TO TORTURE BELLA!}

[Hush with you.]

"Cissa, I'll give you a manor in France. If you want to escape your husband and the crazy man he serves, the house is unplottable. And I give your stupid brat the same as is aunt, 1 sickle. It's how much I value is intellect."

[Insert here: a snort.]

{Sure, Lucius' son is not the brightest bulb of the pack, but at least he didn't STEAL MY REVENGE! I WANT TO TORTURE BELLA!}

[I can't believe it. The mighty, super powerful, all-knowing Dark Lord Voldemort is throwing a TANTRUM. Did you **finally** loose all your marbles?

Go drink a camomile tea. It's supposed to be good for the nerves.

I will write you the rest of the reading, once mum is satisfied with your state of mind.]


	6. Evidences

A/N 1: I don't own anything of Harry Potter's world. I just play with it for my personal satisfaction.

A/N 2: I'm sorry for the delay, but my muse took a vacation. She came back only recently. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 6

{Bla bla bla} = Voldemort inputs

[Bla bla bla] = Harry inputs

Brat,

I'm back. I've calmed a bit. Well that and Lucius handed me Bella. (Insert here: Insane laugh!) I'm more relaxed now, even if I'm a little bloodied. And I've all the material evidences, as your godfather promised. It was quite entertaining. Your dogfather, gave Lucius a few interesting items.

Did you know that our dear Bella wrote a diary when she was younger? Yes our dear Bella was writing a diary. (Insert here: evil chuckles... {Hey! Dark lords don't chuckle!})

[Bella and a diary? I can't believe it! What did she wrote in it? Let me guess: "How to torture your kitten in ten lessons"]

You are not far, Imp. Let me explain.

When they were younger, your mutt and Bella couldn't stand each other. [(Insert here: snort.) That didn't change a lot since then.].

Shut up Prat I'm talking!

In his first years of Hogwarts, when your godfather was still living with his parents, he was invited with his family in Bella's house. Bored as hell, he decided to explore the house and tried to find blackmailing material against her. So he went in Bella's room and after raiding it he stumbled on her diary.

Well the diary was recollections of the insane pranks (or more torture session) she played on all the people she considered as undeserving of the attention of her lover. She didn't name her lover in the diary. But she said it was a very powerful Hogwarts professor.

Want to bet who it was?

[Let me guess. Hmm, I bet that the professor was the Marvelous and Wonderful F***g Goat!]

Exactly! And our winner receive the right to crucio our dear Bella for one round!

[I won! I won!... Oops! Sorry, I digressed. You were saying?]

Your godfather also included in the proofs a few memories of his. One of them was him wandering in the school at night under your father's invisibly cloak. He stumbled on our dear Bellatrix and Dumbledore making out. They were heading to the headmaster's apartment.

[Yuck. The idea only is disgusting.]

Wait there is more.

Another memory was your godfather talking with Dumbledore of his relations with Bella. Dumbledore tried to explained that he was mistaken. And then he told him that he was doing that for the greater good and for having a spy in Voldemort's rank. And naively your godfather believed him. A few months later, Sirius was thrown in Azkaban without a trial. And Bella was there a few days later.

[(Insert here: angry growl.) I knew it! I knew this fleas ridden goat was involved. As chief of the Wizengamot, he could have asked for a trial! I HATE HIM!]

Calm down. I haven't finished yet.

Finally, there was a letter from Bella to Dumbledore. The letter is after my little raid on Azkaban. Sirius was already suspicious about Dumbledore. He asked his house-elf Kreacher to find a few incriminating things on Dumbledore. That little filthy house-elf came back with a letter in which Bella talked about former plans and their relationship. You can believe me, the last part was quite disgusting to read. (insert here: shudder). I'm scarred for life.

[That's really disturbing. I think, I'm going to be sick]

Believe me a good torture session there's nothing better to improve your spirit and to relax you. I could even lend you Bella if you wanted to try.

[You know, you are truly insane! But thank you for asking. And could you crucio her a few times for me?]

Well, that could be done. But you didn't finish your story about the bank.

[And you didn't answered what type of snake you are in your animagus form.]

I know! And Nagini is getting on my nerves because I didn't tell you. Furthermore, she didn't give me an explanation on the why I should tell you. She's SO FRUSTRATING when she's like that!

Come here Nagini!

So, Imp. Here the big revelation. My animagus form is a black mamba.

[Of course, you have to be a big bad poisonous snake!]

Hey! What did you expect? Don't answer that!

Now Nagini, are you happy? And why are you smiling? Stop smiling right now, you are scaring me!

Hey Shrimp, do you want to see Nagini? It has been a long time since you saw her.

[Don't mock my size you sicko! And of course I want to see Mum. But I would like to remind your insane brain, that you don't know my location so you can't do any portkey.]

Sure pea-brain, I don't know your location but Nagini does. And stop calling her Mum! (Insert here: Oomph!) Stop biting me stupid snake!

So, as I was saying, before the interruption, Nagini knows where you are. As she's a magical familiar, I only need to blend our two magics in a portkey while she is thinking on where you live. And the most terrific in all that is that if she wants she can be the only user.

[I didn't know that it could even be possible to do that.]

The commoners can't do that. But I'm not the most terrific and exceptional Dark Lord of the all times for nothing!

[Earth to moon, Earth to moon! Do you copy? Get your inflated head down here. So if she wants, you can't find me? That's SO COOL!]

Shit! I knew I was forgetting something!

[Well, too bad for you. When are you sending Mum?]

Wait a minute... Right now.

[OK, she's hereeeeeeeeee.]

Shrimp? SHRIMP! WHAT'S GOING ON?

[Sorry. Mum was mothering and smothering me. You know how she can be.]

Better you than me. Why do you think I did send her to you?

Did she told you why I had to inform you of my animagus form?

[Surely something about politeness. Wait I'm asking... She doesn't want to tell. She's mumbling something about a link. Did you know she's quite scary when she's smiling? Do you think we can send her to Dumbledore? With her smile, maybe she can give him a heart attack!]

No. It's too simple for is demise. I'm envisaging something more flamboyant for him. So what did happen at the bank?

[Well, after the last declaration about Draco, Sirius reinstated Nymphadora and Andromeda Tonks on the Black's tapestry. But there was a condition.]

Here, restart the written memory of the reading.

A/N 3: Next time, the reading.


	7. Evidences and Surprises

A/N: I don't own Harry Potter's world, I just play with it for my own free amusement.

{Bla bla bla} Voldemort input

[Bla bla bla] Harry input

* * *

"So, my dear cousin Andromeda, Sirius declared, I'm happy to tell you that you, and your family, have been reinstated in the Black Family. I'm sure you are ecstatic". At that Sirius let out a laugh who seems more like a bark.

"Furthermore, you will have the money coming from the branch of your family on one and only condition. You have to renounce to all acquaintance with the old goat named Albus Dumbledore".

At that the glint in the eyes of Dumbledore came back full force.

* * *

{Argh! The goat will manipulate them to obtain the money.}

[Shhhh! Wait and see!]

* * *

"You have to give your decision by the end of the will."

"Oh, I forgot! Not that I don't trust you, but to impede the goat to put his grubby hooves on the treasure you will have to take an unbreakable vow with the goblins to not give him money under any form, money, gifts, will… And the goblins will provide items to block any curses and hexes to manipulate you."

At that, the glint in Dumbledore's eyes died.

* * *

{1 point to the dog!}

* * *

"To Remus, my old friend. I know, I left you, but don't worry you are not alone. I'm not blind. I saw how you watched Nymphadora and how she watched you. Marry her and make a lot of little Marauders and cubs. I allow you for the rest of your life 1000 galleons per month. So please, go buy a few new robes."

"Tonks, make him happy. I allow you 500 galleons per month. I know it's not very much, but I don't doubt one second what will be your mother decisions at the end of the will."

* * *

{It's so sappy that I think that I might be sick}

[Could you shut up, you bastard! You are talking about my godfather here!]

{Don't put your knickers in a twist! But it's so sappy and mushy… Argh!}

[Mom, could you go back and strangle him? (Insert here puppy eyes)… Why don't you waannttt?]

{Shut up pea brain, she's still my familiar}

[Why is she mumbling about blind mates?]

{I haven't the foggiest idea.}

* * *

"End of the sappy/mushy moment!"

* * *

{See, I told you so! It was sappy!}

[Could you please shut up you snake breath!]

* * *

"Hagrid, Sirius continued, your dear headmaster knew that it was Voldemort who opened the Chamber of the Secret. Ask Harry, I'm sure he will provide the memories.

But, did you ever wonder why almighty Dumbledore didn't help to innocent you? Maybe not at the beginning but when he became Chief Warlock, he could have reopened your case. But he didn't. Do you know why? Because he wanted a spy with the giants. He did to you what he did to Remus. He rigged you."

Hagrid turned to Dumbledore, with incomprehension in the eyes. "Headmaster?"

"That's nonsense, Hagrid. You know I wouldn't do something like that."

* * *

[{Sure you would!}]

* * *

At that moment Sirius added, "The goblins will give you your case file, were there is a mention of the Chief Warlock to never reopen the case."

"Why, headmaster?" asked Hagrid with hurt in his eyes.

"Didn't you know Dumbledore, as Sirius followed his speech, that the files are open to the public 20 years after the facts? So I asked for them. They were sent to me to an owl box that Remus opened for me.

Too bad for you that I survived my stay in Azkaban."

* * *

{I like your dogfather.}

[Too bad he is dead.]

{Mmmmhhh.}

* * *

"So Hagrid, I give you a Black property in Romania. It's a farm were they breed different animals that are more or less dangerous, for potions ingredients.

Well, it's more than less.

I'm sure you will happy there. I have only one request. You have to give some free loadings to Snivellus. It's my apology for what I did to him. But, if you tell him that I said that I will deny every statement! Oops, I forgot. I'm dead."

"To the twins, I was very happy to know you. You would have done fine marauders. For that I will help with the capital of your store. You will receive 100 000 galleons. I have one request. Make Dumbledore's life hell."

"You bet!" said the twins together.

* * *

{I like those twins.}

[Don't even dare to approach them.]

{Why not? Our deal is to not torture you, not to not make business proposition to some people I found talented and enjoyable.}

[Talented? Certainly. Enjoyable? Wait until they transform you into a canary.]

{They wouldn't dare.}

[You bet!]

* * *

"Hermione, my love. For trying to sleep with me at the demand of your master, but instead warning me and being a wonderful courtesan, I send word in different circles that you rent your services."

"WHAT?" cried everyone.

* * *

{WHAT?}

[I know it was a shock for me, too.]

* * *

"Sorry Ron, Harry." said Hermione, ashamed. "Dumbledore forced me to whore myself."

"IT'S UTTER NONSENSE!" cried Dumbledore

* * *

{And I thought I was the Dark Lord!}

[Don't be depressed. Mom says that you still are one mean Dark Wizard.]

{How dare you? I'm the most feared Dark Lord through the Ages!}

[If you say so dear!]

* * *

"Sure, old man. You didn't imperiused my parents to sign a contract where it was stipulated that I would be a whore since you see fit to release me or that I gain possession of the contract, DID YOU? MAYBE I DREAMT ALL THAT, DIDN'T I?."

Sirius continued, "From what I tested and what I heard from different allies of Dumbledore you are quite good at your job. You will receive 100 000 galleons and the contract which tie you to him. Shacklebolt stole it for you after your first night together."

"Thanks Merlin. Harry, I'm sorry for what he forced me to do to you. I didn't want your money. I can refund you now that I have money.

I'm sure that you must consider me as a whore, but I'm good at what I do, and if you want I will do what I did for him to sway your enemies to your side."

"Don't bother Hermione, says Harry. And if you are happy with your activity, so be it. But the old perverted goat will pay"

* * *

{Always the sensible and sensitive Hero.}

[Yes. Why wouldn't I be like that?]

{Pfff. Forget it.}

* * *

"So the mudblood is really a whore, Draco sneered."

"I may be a whore my dear Draco, but I'm an expensive one. I was forced to be one, but I did it with flair. I became a courtesan, in the noblest meaning of the term.

Furthermore, I'm good at what I do, unlike you, if I must believe what I heard. It's not all about sex. Dear Lucius wouldn't have spent 5 000 galleons only for a lay."

"You are the Scarlet Lady?, cried Draco."

"Of course, darling."

"Lucius, I will send you my new vault number, before our next appointment."

"Mmmh, Granger, mumbled Draco"

"Yes Draco?"

"I was wondering if you could train me?"

"Think about it Draco. Think about the consequences. I didn't have a choice in the matter. But you, you can pursue every career you may want. Think really hard about it, and if you still want to become a courtesan, come to me. I think you have the potential to become one."

"What is there to think? Sex, money and influence on the most powerful people of our world. You can count me in."

* * *

{Just like is father}

[What?]

{Oh, nothing.}

* * *

"As you wish Draco. Present yourself at my apartment in two days. We will begin your training at that time.

Sirius pursued his speech: "Now, Ginny. You little bitch for trying to force Harry to sleep with you and having is child to steal all is money, I give you one knut. Furthermore, I posted an ad in the Prophet saying you are spreading your legs for free. The ad will be reprinted every two months with improvements. The first one will be like something like this: I_, Ginny Weasley, love sex. I will do it for free with everyone who wants it. I say a lot the word 'no', but read between the lines and the word 'yes' will appear_.

The second one will be like this. _I, Ginny Weasley, love __**rough**__ sex. I will do it for free with everyone who wants it_… I hope you see the pattern here.

Oh and if you try to disappear or try to use an alias, your location and current name will figure in the ad. I put indissoluble tracking and compulsion spells on you. Enjoy your next year."

"NOOOO, cried Ginny. I don't want to be a whore!"

* * *

{So clever!}

[I think so, too.]

* * *

"Don't worry Ginevra, I will put you under the fidelius charm and I will be the secret keeper, said Dumbledore. It will stop the effects of the tracking spells. We will work on the compulsion spells after you are in safety.

Sirius added, "Oh, if the old pervert named as Dumbledore is luring you in believing that you can hide under the fidelius charm, he is right. But it's only for enjoying your charms in private. He likes young girls."

* * *

{Argh! My mind! I'm scarred!}

[Stop being a drama queen. But sure, it's more than disturbing.]

* * *

"Harry, help me."

"After trying to trap me with a baby? Not even in your dreams. You knew that the most important thing for me is the family."

* * *

{Interesting.}

[What?]

{Nothing. I'm talking to myself}

[You know that it's the first sign of insanity. Oh wait, you are insane!]

* * *

At that Ginny turned to Hermione. "Hermione, help me."

"Help you in what? You betrayed Harry and you slept with nearly every boys of the Gryffindor house. Futhermore, you BITCH, you don't have an inkling of how to be a courtesan, unlike dear Draco here. You are just a cheap little trollop and you may pursue a career as one."

* * *

{Nice one.}

[I agree.]

* * *

"But it isn't my fault! Dumbledore asked me to do it!"

"Shut up, you stupid bitch! You will pay for that comment, snarled Dumbledore"

"Now Molly. For being a bitch to me, pushing your daughter to spread her legs and for remembering me of my mother I award you the heads of the former houselves of the House of Black."

* * *

{Ah, ah, ah! Excellent!}

* * *

"Arthur and Ron, for being enjoyable and gullible fools I give you 100 000 galleons each. But, you are forbidden to give your money to the old goat and the minimum to provide a descent life to Molly and Ginny.

Arthur, I bought you a trip in of one year around the muggle world.

Ron, as you are a genius in tactics, I enlisted you in an apprenticeship as a quidditch manager. You start next term. Enjoy your life, man."

"So now, Dumbledore, how did you like that? No more Bella, nor Ginny, nor Hermione, nor Harry.

I will you a knut and the knowledge that the goblins will send the copy of this will and of all the evidences to Fudge and Amelia Bones.

Enjoy your retirement!"

* * *

{Enjoy your retirement. That's so laughable! I didn't laugh like this since a long time. Too bad Black disappeared.}

[It's your fault that he isn't here, you failure of a dark lord!]

{WHAT DID YOU SAY?}

[Oh, will you shut up. The will is ending.]

* * *

"Now Harry, I will you all my fortune and possessions that were not mentioned before. You are the richest pureblood in existence. I know it doesn't change the fact that I'm not with you, but I will rid you of Dumbledore.

If you haven't asked for your emancipation I filled the form for you. Now you are free. Enjoy your life. You don't have to fight if you don't want. Let the wizarding world fight for itself. Go see the world. I love you pup."

At that the goblin said: "The will is finished. Mrs Tonks, what is your decision?"

The two women looks at each other and said in unison: "We swear on our magic to revoke every links and ties to the man named Albus (insert here multiples names) Dumbledore."

"One by one, please, come sign the will and then you may leave. Lord Potter-Black first, Mr Dumbledore last. For information, every statement of Lord Black have been acted upon during the will. Mr Potter if you would come up and sign the papers."

At that, the will ended.

* * *

{So now, that I've seen the will, I have two questions.}

[Yes.]

{When would Dumbledore be sacked and destroyed?}

[My guess is as good as yours.]

{Ok, here come the second one, and the most important one. Will you give me your address?}

[Will you torture me?]

{Do you really think that my pet will let me harm you in any way?}

[She's grinning at your statement. I'm a little bit scared here.

After conferring with Mom, she said she could bring me to you.]

{When}

[When she sees fit.]

{That stupid snake! She will suffer when I put my hands on her!}

[The grin is wider…]


End file.
